Oh, also because there's a World Cup in Russia (well, for now) in 2018. This is, somewhat dispiritingly, the third round of South American qualifiying fixtures. Already! In 2015.
Crikey. And blimey. Crikeyblimey.
Calm yourself.
Sorry, when is it?
Here's the tricky part. It's a 21:00 kick off local time, which means midnight GMT on Friday November 13. So it's a reason to extend your Thursday night activities into the following day. Although this must not, repeat not, turn into a chemsex session. We stress that in the strongest possible terms.
And, and, also, WHERE is it?
Is the Estadio Monumental Antonio Vespucio Liberti which is Spanish for the "Stadium Monumental Anthony Vespucio Expensive Department Store". It's in Buenos Aires, which is Spanish for Good Starsign.
River Plate play there. It hosted the 1978 World Cup final. And David Bowie on his 1990 Sound + Vision tour. Look, here he is doing Ashes To Ashes:
Football. Back to the football.
Sorry.
Can I watch it on television?
Yes, probably. So long as you live somewhere that isn't the United Kingdom. There seem to be no takers as yet, although we're not ruling out a late bid from one of those higher-numbered channels which get a little, shall we say, "blue" after 9pm.
All the more reason to stick with your number one sporting television substitute, the Telegraph Sport liveblog experience. The boy Barney Henderson will be in this exact spot to talk you through the game.
If you absolutely must see the game, you could try one of those gambling websites which offers streaming. That seems to be a thing that's happening now.
Have these teams ever played each other before?
Of course they have, dumb-dumb. Most recently they were friendly with one another in China last year, which Ben Bloom wrote about.
Here's the full record:
Want to feel the fraudulent warming touch of nostalgia on your skin? Here's goals from their game from the 1974 World Cup:
(You can actually watch the full game if you've got a spare hour and 32 minutes, and have already completed the internet today)
What's the form?
Honestly, not so great. Both teams have played twice already in this mammoth tilt at Russia TBC 2018. Brazil lost to Chile but beat Venezuela. Argentina lost at home to Ecuador then could only draw in Paraguay. Erk.
South America forces its teams to play a hilarious 18 games each in qualifying, exactly one game less than half a Premier League season. So, plenty of time to sort it out.
Who's going to play?
Neymar! We like him. And Kaka too, apparently, appearing on loan for Brazil from the past. For Argentina, there are fewer star draws.
Why, who's injured?
Most of the good Argentina players.
This guy:
This guy's name is Lionel Messi
This guy:
This guy's name is Sergio Aguero
And also this guy:
This guy's name now appears to be "Carlitos" Photo: REUTERS
Is anyone saying anything?
You know they are. Argentina and River Plate defender Jonathan Maidana says "There is no recipe for marking Neymar, if (there was) everyone would use it."
What a sad world that would be. There'd be very little of this:
Brazil coach Dunga reckons his main man is the best player in the world at the moment:
"If we look at the ranking by numbers and statistics, Neymar is superior right now," Dunga said when asked to compare the 23-year-old with Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo.
"Messi is injured, Cristiano is expected to repeat what he did last year. Neymar has improved consistently since he arrived at Barcelona.
"He has done all that was expected of him with Messi out. He's in great form."
Who's going to win?
Do you mean what are the odds? Do you? Come on, out with it, you degenerate gambler...
Okay, what are the odds?
Thank you. Argentina are 6/4, Brazil marginally longer at 15/8 and the draw is 11/5.
Great! So... who's going to win?
Tell you what: You tell us. With this polling device:
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